Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

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Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

I had run out of hope.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

Why do gun owners feel the need to defend themselves with deadly weapons? Can they not just talk things out like civilized people do?

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

And the sadness?

Why can't they repair the damage caused by Elon Musk renaming Twitter to X?

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

Do you regret being married to your current wife?

It’s still here.

You are like me, then.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

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What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

Why are there so many illegal Haitians in Ohio? They can't walk here. Democrats flew them here to cause chaos and crime in Ohio.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

The sadness was still there.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

Sorry, Trump supporters, but eventually it will have to be asked: Why didn't Trump do as well in his first term as he is doing NOW?

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

It’s here now, writing to you.

How many of you have had your parental rights taken away because of lies and no truth whatsoever, and did you prove the lies that were told about you to be false either through drug testing or another way, but still had your rights taken?

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

I was tired of trying and failing.

Be who you already are.

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This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

I was tired of fighting.